Think your kids are too busy with hockey and homework to help out around the house? Plenty of time for that later in life? A former NHL player shares how helping out around the house helped him succeed.

Discipline and a sense of responsibility are vital to anything you do in life. Kids need responsibilities outside of hockey that will help them throughout their lives. There was not a day growing up that I didn’t have at least a half-hour of chores to do around my house. It wasn’t an option—whether it was stacking a cord of wood, cooking dinner, washing the dishes, cleaning my room or sweeping out the garage. My parents both worked. If I wanted to play the game I loved, I had to carry my share of the family load. I also worked full time in the summers from age 14. My dad always taught me to look in the mirror at the end of the day, knowing I did everything I could do to improve, both as a person, and as an athlete.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Jeff Serowik of Pro Ambitons Hockey for this story.

My career was ended by a concussion during a home game in January. I never played professional hockey again. It took me a long time to recover from the post-concussive syndrome. As a result, I have an up-close and personal understanding of the importance of paying attention to concussions. I have three children who play sports and hundreds of thousands of campers have gone through my Pro Ambitions Hockey camps over the past 20 years. The Battle Camp curriculum I developed is notable for its emphasis on safely winning battles all over the ice.

Some fast facts on concussions:

• A concussion is a brain injury and all are serious.
• Most concussions occur without loss of consciousness.
• Recognition and proper response to concussions when they first occur can help prevent further injury.

During the last decade, Emergency Room visits for sports- and recreation-related traumatic brain injuries, including concussions, among children and adolescents has increased by 60 percent. A traumatic brain injury caused by a bump, blow or jolt to the head changes the way your brain normally works. Concussions can also occur from a blow to the body that causes the head to move rapidly back and forth. Even a “ding,” “getting your bell rung” or what seems to be a mild bump or blow to the head can be serious.

Concussions can occur in any sport or recreation activity. All coaches, parents and athletes need to learn the signs and symptoms of concussion and what to do if a concussion occurs. Young players’ brains can be more susceptible to injuries, which become more serious as players suffer repeated incidents. Typical symptoms include nausea, vomiting, loss of memory, sensitivity to sound and light, headaches and changes in personality for days or weeks. The injuries cannot be diagnosed by X-ray or MRI, but doctors can diagnose the problem by its symptoms.

Baseline concussion testing is mandatory in many hockey, football and other sports programs, for elementary-school age players to the pros. Such testing provides a baseline score of an athlete’s attention span, working memory, reaction time, etc. If the athlete suffers a concussion, he or she retakes the test. If there is a large decrease in the post-concussion score, the athlete typically is benched until the score increases, the symptoms are gone and he or she is cleared by a doctor.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Jeff Serowik of Pro Ambitons Hockey for this story.

The Cunninghams are a lot like most families today with their children well into their third and fourth years of playing hockey for two different leagues (including practices and tournaments), parents who work busy jobs, kids with growing homework demands and activities, and a burning desire for family down time.

Al Cunningham also coaches his son’s teams, which you would think adds another level of angst to the mix, but not for this positive dad. “Hey, I figure I’m going to be there anyway, I might as well help any way I can.” Growing up in Canada, Cunningham played hockey from the age 4, so he knows the sport well.

Like many other hockey playing kids, they pick up another sport off season, so there is little down time in sports. “My boys play lacrosse and it really is a sport that crosses over well with hockey,” Cunningham explains. When I asked him where the balance is in his family life, he replied with a smirk, “I talked to my wife about this and she sort of laughed because we are all very busy, but somehow, it works.”

In the beginning of the season Cunningham talks to the hockey families on his team, and always stresses that school comes first. “I tell the kids and parents that we all have to respect school.” He continues, “This is a competitive sport and it is great for the kids, but they have to learn to be organized and get their homework done on time. They have to get skilled at time management.”

The Cunninghams truly found balance with their hockey families. He explains, “Hockey families are a tight-knit group. Honestly, my boys’ hockey friends are some of their best friends because they have so much in common. And, it is the same with the parents. Some of our closest friends are other hockey team parents.”

Hockey families help each other out, too. “We all understand what each other is going through and we know the challenges of having to get our kids to different places at the same time. Most of our vacations (tournaments) are with the hockey families as well, and we really enjoy our time together,” he shares.

While tournaments do present traveling vacation time for the hockey families, or at least portions of them, they do spend time in the summer with their immediate families back in Canada. “We also love to go camping in the spring and summer, so that is how we escape on weekends, or even take day trips to Water World,” says Cunningham.

Some of the families even help the parents get some quality time together. “Our good friends offer to taker our boys on sleepovers so my wife and I can have a night alone. And we do the same for them. This is how close our families are thanks to hockey,” describes Cunningham.

Hockey team benefits:

• The kids learn how to be team players
• They learn how to be supportive teammates
• Parents share the same values and become integrally supportive of each other’s families
• The kids develop deep friendships through camaraderie
• The kids learn the importance of commitment and the responsibility that comes with it
• They learn in an environment that fosters integrity, respect and fairness
• They learn about the rewards that can come from hard work as well as the disappointments that can be encountered along the way, both valuable life lessons

Cunningham sincerely says, “Hockey is the ultimate team sport. Players learn how to fight for their teammates—not literally, but for a common goal.”

“I mean, we are always on a team in life, and if we can help our kids see this and learn from it, then we all benefit.”

Cunningham tells the story of one hockey mom who married into the sport on her second marriage. “She thought it was ridiculous how much money and time was spent on hockey. After many years of following the team, families and kids, she said it was all money well spent and her kids were running with the right crowd. It’s like the motto of the Colorado Youth Hockey Foundation, ‘A kid on ice is not in hot water.’”

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Kathy Smith for this story and recipes. Kathy is a chef and freelance writer who specializes in writing about food and fitness.

• All children need vigorous physical activity as part of their daily lives, and sports provide all the benefits of exercise and the potential for acquiring a sense of accomplishment. If a child is having trouble in the classroom, sports may be an important avenue of success in his or her life, so it could be harmful to take it away. In fact, when youngsters feel a sense of success in athletics, this can enhance their self-esteem, which carries over to other areas—including academics.

• On the other hand, practices and games can rob time from schoolwork. When sports-related demands become excessive, it might be in the child’s best interest to disallow participation.

What should parents do if their child is having trouble keeping grades up?

• Start by looking for other causes of poor classroom performance. Too much TV watching might be one problem; conflicts with other duties, such as a job, might be another cause.
• Parents should ask their child what they can do to help him or her improve at school. Plus, input should be sought from coaches, teachers, and school counselors.
• In some cases, the family and school may decide that the child is not studying enough. In this situation it is reasonable to make sports involvement dependent upon achieving better grades.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Frank L. Smoll, Ph.D., for this article. Dr. Smoll is a sport psychologist at the University of Washington and co-director of Youth Enrichment in Sports. To see previews of his Mastery Approach to Parenting in Sports and Mastery Approach to Coaching DVDs, visit www.y-e-sports.com.

Last month, a Minnesota Hockey coach attended a speech given by USA Hockey Associate Coach in Chief Terry Evavold. That coach had a revelation about yelling that day—a revelation that might help other coaches from the old school:

“Terry, you really did a great job today and pointed out some painful things to me. When I got home I apologized to my son for being such a jerk about hockey. It was good to be reminded that it was his game not mine. He said, ‘That’s OK dad, I just wish you wouldn’t get so mad about how I play. You can tell me stuff, but don’t get so mad.’ That cut to the bone, I am now going to read all the USA Hockey materials available to enhance his positive experience and I will not interfere with his enjoyment of the game.”

“I came from yellers and jerk coaches, so I thought that’s how you do it. Before the season started, the head coach I am working with said, ‘We don’t yell.’ This was a new concept for me—so I adapted the positive model for everyone but my kid! Thanks for the story about your wife videotaping. This helped me reflect on my conduct with my son on the bench and in the miserable car ride home. I enjoyed every segment today and thought you and the other speakers did an outstanding job. I am sincere when I say starting today, I will do everything in my power so my son can now begin to have a great time in hockey.”

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Keith for sharing his experiences with us.

1. Set a good example of an active person.

What kids see has greater impact on them than what they hear. In other words, kids are tuned into observational learning. They will do many things their parents do, and physical activity is no exception. Active parents produce active children. If children see their mom and dad participating in and enjoying sports, then it’s going to be more natural for them to want to pursue those activities. On the other hand, if parents are couch potatoes….

2. Let kids participate in determining when they are ready for sports.

Children who are forced into sports before they are ready usually have bad experiences. When kids say they are interested, parents should start looking seriously at it. By involving children in the decision-making process, they feel a sense of ownership in the outcome. This creates a greater sense of commitment: “I’m doing it because I want to do it, not because I’m made to do it.”

3. Give priority to your child’s own interests.

Most kids develop a sense of their personal interests at an early age. And although parents might prefer that their child be active in sports, maybe the child would rather play the violin. Because of this, parents should let their children have a say in determining what tune they march to. Remember that youth sports are about what participation can do for kids, and not what parents get out of it.

4. Don’t use sports as a baby-sitter.

Some parents erroneously believe their involvement merely consists of getting their child signed up and driving them to and from games. But that’s just part of it. Parents not only have a right but a responsibility to oversee their child’s sport participation.

5. Emphasize the process of enjoyment rather than the product of winning.

Research on young athletes’ motives for playing sports has consistently shown that their primary objective is to have fun. Studies also indicate that the main reason why youngsters drop out of sports is, “It isn’t fun any more.” Simply stated, children want to play sports to have fun—and when the fun disappears, so do they.

6. Emphasize striving to improve skills rather than comparing oneself with others.

Physical development occurs at different rates in youngsters, and this should be made clear to them. It is particularly important that children whose skill is lagging not view this as a permanent condition. Parents who praise self-improvement efforts can help their kids derive pleasure from their progress over time. This creates many worthwhile experiences in sports—even for athletes who never will be stars.

7. Give kids an opportunity for early success.

Properly structured learning situations are designed to ensure some degree of initial success. And when children perform sport skills correctly, they should be given ample amounts of verbal praise and/or nonverbal forms of reinforcement—a smile, a pat on the back, a high-five. In other words, catch the athlete doing something right. In addition, liberally reinforce effort and achievement. Remember, whether kids show it or not, the positive things you say and do stick with them.

8. Establish and maintain open lines of communication.

Tell your children what you expect—things like giving maximum effort, listening to the coach, having fun—and ask what they are thinking. Make it very clear you want to know how they feel about what’s happening in practices and games. This type of two-way communication is essential.

9. Evaluate your child’s coach.

Parents should talk to the coach, regularly go to games and occasionally attend practices. Additionally, they should ask themselves the following questions:

• Are the young athletes treated with respect?
• Are they being taught?
• Are they given a chance to perform?
• Are they made to feel what they’re doing is a fun activity?

If not, it may be necessary to find another team for your child. Unfortunately, some coaches don’t understand what youth sports should be about, and the negative experience they provide can turn a kid off to sports forever.

10. Think safety first.

What can be done to prevent sport injuries? The American College of Sports Medicine offers the following guidelines:

• Have a preseason medical checkup, which can detect medical problems early and prevent new ones.
• Always warm up before playing and cool down afterward.
• Be in the proper physical condition before playing a sport.
• Have all the necessary protective equipment, and make sure it fits correctly.
• Inspect playing surfaces and facilities prior to the game or practice to make sure they are safe.
• Wear the appropriate clothing for the activity.
• Teach children the rules and the importance of following them.

11. Be alert for signs of pain or injury.

Kids might not say they are hurt because they believe it will disappoint parents and/or coaches. Because of this, adults must look for the symptoms of injuries common to the sport. Early detection is important. At the first sign of pain, get the young athlete out of the game or practice and get pain checked out. Additionally, an injured athlete should not return to play until the symptoms of injury have completely disappeared. Continued participation may make the injury worse and may place the athlete at a high risk for another injury.

12. Don’t live your dreams through your children.

All parents identify with their children to some extent and thus want them to do well. This is natural and healthy. But sometimes parents over-identify, and the child becomes an extension of themselves. Parents who are “winners” or “losers” through their children are experiencing the frustrated-jock syndrome, which places extreme pressure on the children. The young athlete must succeed, or the parent’s self-image is threatened. To avoid this, don’t define your own self-worth in terms of how good your children are.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Frank L. Smoll, Ph.D., for this article. Dr. Smoll is a sport psychologist at the University of Washington and co-director of Youth Enrichment in Sports. To see previews of his Mastery Approach to Parenting in Sports and Mastery Approach to Coaching DVDs, visit www.y-e-sports.com.

1. Set a good example of an active person.

What kids see has greater impact on them than what they hear. In other words, kids are tuned into observational learning. They will do many things their parents do, and physical activity is no exception. Active parents produce active children. If children see their mom and dad participating in and enjoying sports, then it’s going to be more natural for them to want to pursue those activities. On the other hand, if parents are couch potatoes….

2. Let kids participate in determining when they are ready for sports.

Children who are forced into sports before they are ready usually have bad experiences. When kids say they are interested, parents should start looking seriously at it. By involving children in the decision-making process, they feel a sense of ownership in the outcome. This creates a greater sense of commitment: “I’m doing it because I want to do it, not because I’m made to do it.”

3. Give priority to your child’s own interests.

Most kids develop a sense of their personal interests at an early age. And although parents might prefer that their child be active in sports, maybe the child would rather play the violin. Because of this, parents should let their children have a say in determining what tune they march to. Remember that youth sports are about what participation can do for kids, and not what parents get out of it.

4. Don’t use sports as a baby-sitter.

Some parents erroneously believe their involvement merely consists of getting their child signed up and driving them to and from games. But that’s just part of it. Parents not only have a right but a responsibility to oversee their child’s sport participation.

5. Emphasize the process of enjoyment rather than the product of winning.

Research on young athletes’ motives for playing sports has consistently shown that their primary objective is to have fun. Studies also indicate that the main reason why youngsters drop out of sports is, “It isn’t fun any more.” Simply stated, children want to play sports to have fun—and when the fun disappears, so do they.

6. Emphasize striving to improve skills rather than comparing oneself with others.

Physical development occurs at different rates in youngsters, and this should be made clear to them. It is particularly important that children whose skill is lagging not view this as a permanent condition. Parents who praise self-improvement efforts can help their kids derive pleasure from their progress over time. This creates many worthwhile experiences in sports—even for athletes who never will be stars.

7. Give kids an opportunity for early success.

Properly structured learning situations are designed to ensure some degree of initial success. And when children perform sport skills correctly, they should be given ample amounts of verbal praise and/or nonverbal forms of reinforcement—a smile, a pat on the back, a high-five. In other words, catch the athlete doing something right. In addition, liberally reinforce effort and achievement. Remember, whether kids show it or not, the positive things you say and do stick with them.

8. Establish and maintain open lines of communication.

Tell your children what you expect—things like giving maximum effort, listening to the coach, having fun—and ask what they are thinking. Make it very clear you want to know how they feel about what’s happening in practices and games. This type of two-way communication is essential.

9. Evaluate your child’s coach.

Parents should talk to the coach, regularly go to games and occasionally attend practices. Additionally, they should ask themselves the following questions:

• Are the young athletes treated with respect?
• Are they being taught?
• Are they given a chance to perform?
• Are they made to feel what they’re doing is a fun activity?

If not, it may be necessary to find another team for your child. Unfortunately, some coaches don’t understand what youth sports should be about, and the negative experience they provide can turn a kid off to sports forever.

10. Think safety first.

What can be done to prevent sport injuries? The American College of Sports Medicine offers the following guidelines:

• Have a preseason medical checkup, which can detect medical problems early and prevent new ones.
• Always warm up before playing and cool down afterward.
• Be in the proper physical condition before playing a sport.
• Have all the necessary protective equipment, and make sure it fits correctly.
• Inspect playing surfaces and facilities prior to the game or practice to make sure they are safe.
• Wear the appropriate clothing for the activity.
• Teach children the rules and the importance of following them.

11. Be alert for signs of pain or injury.

Kids might not say they are hurt because they believe it will disappoint parents and/or coaches. Because of this, adults must look for the symptoms of injuries common to the sport. Early detection is important. At the first sign of pain, get the young athlete out of the game or practice and get pain checked out. Additionally, an injured athlete should not return to play until the symptoms of injury have completely disappeared. Continued participation may make the injury worse and may place the athlete at a high risk for another injury.

12. Don’t live your dreams through your children.

All parents identify with their children to some extent and thus want them to do well. This is natural and healthy. But sometimes parents over-identify, and the child becomes an extension of themselves. Parents who are “winners” or “losers” through their children are experiencing the frustrated-jock syndrome, which places extreme pressure on the children. The young athlete must succeed, or the parent’s self-image is threatened. To avoid this, don’t define your own self-worth in terms of how good your children are.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Frank L. Smoll, Ph.D., for this article. Dr. Smoll is a sport psychologist at the University of Washington and co-director of Youth Enrichment in Sports. To see previews of his Mastery Approach to Parenting in Sports and Mastery Approach to Coaching DVDs, visit www.y-e-sports.com.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Kelly Anton for this story.

This question comes up every spring when it’s time to make the deposit for the next year. Unfortunately, there is no 100 percent correct answer. However, I have seen, over time, that about 90 percent of families realize they were in a pretty good organization after they make a change. I believe in loyalty to associations. Kids should have loyalty to the program they started with and give that program the benefit of the doubt. With that being said, it is also the association’s responsibility to be accountable to its members and ensure they offer good coaches, a solid skill-development program and a well-organized schedule.

Over my years as a director, I’ve had coaches who weren’t up to the standards I hoped for. Does each program have a hard time finding quality coaches? Yes! My guess is that over a youth hockey “career”—let’s say 12 to 13 years—each player is likely to experience a season (or two) that does not meet the expectations the program strives to obtain. Does that mean you transfer to another program? My answer would be no.

Are there exceptions? Absolutely, there will be some. I do believe that sometimes a change is good. There are always cases where it might be best for the player, family and program to part ways. However, I would say that 90 percent of players should (and usually do) remain with their club.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Angelo Ricci for sharing his 15 years of expertise as a hockey director in this article. Ricci is founder, head instructor and consultant for Ricci Hockey Consulting. With 20+ years experience as a skills and stickhandling coach, he conducts/oversees more than 40 programs year-round that develop over 1,000 players each year.

Allowing your child to find his passion is key. Maybe he is interested in the arts or music. Being a musician myself, I did not participate in structured sports activities as a kid. I loved to ride my bike and I played tennis and racquetball, but my passion was in music. The challenges of being part of an orchestra and a musical theater group are very similar as those in sports—the tryouts, competition, performances, making the group. Any group activity requires harmony and chemistry between individuals to produce something greater than the sum of its parts.

Sports, music and other activities are training grounds for life. The lessons your child learns, beyond the skill of the activity, are endless: teamwork, leadership, commitment, physical strength, motivation, preparation, mental toughness, and confidence. With continued practice, learning and support, he is creating and growing into a powerful person. As a parent, I would view that as a ta-dah!

Editor’s Note: Optometrist Dr. Lynn Hellerstein, O.D., FCOVD, FAAO, has been a pioneer in vision therapy for more than 30 years. See It. Say It. Do It! provides easy, practical, step-by-step strategies and activities to enhance children’s visualization skills.