3 Important Tips for Parents Who Coach

Many volunteer coaches find their way into youth sports because their own son or daughter is participating. Therefore, the majority of coaches end up coaching their own child at one time or another. This often results in confusion as to how to deal with the dual roles of coach and parent.

If you are facing this challenge, you and your child need to be aware that your behavior when you are coaching will be different than how you behave at home. You will have a responsibility not only to your child, but to all of the young athletes on your team. Recognizing this fact, here are some principles you can follow:

• Ask your child how he or she feels about having you for a coach. Does the child fear undue pressure in the form of either perceived favoritism or excessive demands? If so, give reassurance that you will be fair and impartial and that no more or less will be expected of him or her. Knowing how your child feels will help guide your decision concerning whether your child should be on your team.
• Discuss with your child how your role will change when you are in the athletic environment, and why you need to treat him or her like any other team member. Be a parent at home and a coach on the field or court. Make sure that your separate roles are clear in your mind and in your child’s.
• Above all, demonstrate in your words and actions that your love for your child does not depend on his or her athletic performance.

What style of coaching is preferred? Like other kinds of human interaction, coaching involves people trying to influence others in desired ways. There are two basic approaches to influencing people:

• The positive approach is designed to strengthen desirable behaviors by motivating athletes to perform them and by rewarding (reinforcing) the athletes when they do. This “relationship style” complements a healthy philosophy of winning.
• The negative approach involves attempts to eliminate athletes’ mistakes through the use of punishment and criticism. The motivating factor in this “command style” is fear. Punitive coaching behaviors are the fastest way to instill fear of failure and to create resentment and hostility.

Although both styles are used by coaches, there are a number of reasons why the positive approach is preferred. First, it works much better! Second, it creates an enjoyable athletic environment. Scientific studies of coaching behaviors indicate that the positive approach favorably affects athletes’ liking for their coach and teammates, and their enjoyment of sport. It also increases a young athlete’s self-esteem, lowers performance anxiety, and reduces drop-out rates.

What is often referred to as the “psychology of coaching” is simply a set of principles designed to increase one’s ability to influence others positively. A discussion of the principles comprising the positive approach is presented in our book entitled Way to Go, Coach! A Scientifically-Proven Approach to Coaching Effectiveness.

Editor’s Note:For more information please refer to the Minnesota Hockey Sports and Your Child booklet.